when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
please come you make the beer taste better
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
