This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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