I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
