I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
