Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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