This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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