He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
