DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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