either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
