i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
