I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
