I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
