and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
