I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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