No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
