I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
