Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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