you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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