Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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