he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
