just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
