We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
