That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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