we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
