she woke up with a sticky ear
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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