Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
