i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
