there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
