Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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