can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
