don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize