Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
