You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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