It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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