I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need moral support for this bender
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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