im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
