You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
