and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
