Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
