she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
