So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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