i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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