should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
