apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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