I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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