Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
