he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
