I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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