I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
