oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
