I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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