Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
