This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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