Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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