hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
