Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
