I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
