I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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