I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
