I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
