At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
