We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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