YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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