all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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