At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
